


One More Light

by treya_barton



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Linkin Park - Freeform, M/M, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 10:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treya_barton/pseuds/treya_barton
Summary: Yosuke's reaction when he finds out that Chester Bennington of Linkin Park has passed away and how he copes with the loss of one of the members of one of his favorite bands.





	One More Light

Yosuke slid his fingers into his Junes apron pocket, feeling around until he could feel the edge of his phone before sliding it out as he stepped into the breakroom for his lunch break.  He unlocked the screen while he walked to the fridge to pull out his lunch, scrolling through his social media feeds while he pulled out the wrapped bento that Yu had put together for him that morning. Yosuke was working full time as a shift supervisor at Junes while doing an internship on the side at the local radio station; he was hoping that the internship would eventually turn into a full time job, but until then he still needed to help Yu pay the bills.  While customer service wasn’t his ideal job, at least Yosuke had a lot of experience with it and had an easier time working in the city than he had in Inaba.  While the townspeople had finally warmed up to the store and his family, because of the history there was still a level of tension that Yosuke didn’t think would ever fully wane.

Yosuke sat down at the folding table and chairs that were identical to the ones out on display, no doubt being inventoried out for store use several years prior, before eagerly opening his bento, smiling at the array of food and its organized and structured presentation.  That wasn’t to say Yu hadn’t added a few cute touches such as cutting the vegetables into heart shapes on his salad; when he had time in the morning he liked adding a few small details like that to make Yosuke feel special.  Yosuke tried to pretend he didn’t like it, but they both knew that he looked forward to it every day.  As Yosuke began to eat, he switched his phone over to the Line app to see if there was anyone he could message during his break.  Yu would probably be far too busy with his casework, but sometimes one of the other members of the Investigation Team would be available and it was always nice to check in on them and see how they were doing.

Before Yosuke could try to decide who was most likely to be active, he was surprised by a sudden message from Chie.  He clicked on her name to get to the conversation and his brows furrowed upon reading the text.  “I’m so sorry Yosuke,” Chie had written, and Yosuke tilted his head while trying to figure out why Chie of all people would be apologizing.

“For what?” he finally messaged back when she didn’t immediately follow up with a clarification.

He took another bite of his bento as he waited for her reply, still puzzled, and ended up stopping mid chew when Chie finally responded.  “You didn’t see it in the news?  Chester passed away today.”

It took Yosuke a moment to realize who she could be talking about, and he messaged back, “You mean from Linkin Park?” It made no sense – Chester was still young, unless maybe it was some sort of an accident?  He also wondered if it was one of those fake articles that sometimes made their rounds where people claimed that someone famous had passed away when they were still alive and well.  He quickly looked it up and was dumbfounded when he realized that major papers were all posting the news – Chester was found dead at home and there weren’t any clear details about cause of death yet.  At the same time, Chie messaged back also confirming, and Yosuke immediately set his phone down.

He also set down his chopsticks and stared down at the table, shock settling in.  Just two months ago they had released an album which he had been incredibly excited about; he had been a fan of the band since they first released _Hybrid Theory_ and they had honestly gotten him through some of his rough moments in his formative years, especially the move to Inaba and getting through the dungeons in the Shadow World.  He had been too busy once he started college to really listen to the band, so the new album had been a spark of interest that led him to listening to the earlier albums again while reminiscing about how much he enjoyed them.  There was just something therapeutic about listening to their music and singing (or screaming depending on the song) along to get some of those negative feelings out.  And the new music had been so different and fresh with a more upbeat and positive energy that Yosuke had really appreciated.  In fact, he had asked for the album for his birthday, something Yu had been more than happy to get him since he had remembered how much Yosuke loved the band.  And now…

Yosuke felt his eyes begin to well up while his throat constricted, and he had to blink several times in order to keep the hot tears threatening to spill over in check.  Now was not the time nor the place for that; he still had four more hours to go on his shift.  And would have to pretend to be upbeat and positive both for the customers and to set a good example for the employees.  For now, though, Yosuke had lost his appetite, and he closed up his bento box before carefully re-wrapping it and placing it back in the fridge, feeling a little guilty about not finishing the food his boyfriend had made for him.  Yosuke just didn’t think he could hold it down right now with his emotions in turmoil.  He still had quite a bit of time left on his break but he couldn’t bring himself to return to his normal habit of scrolling through his phone and instead stared blankly at the wall across from him, which was covered with corporate posters on loss prevention and employee relation information.

Honestly, Yosuke didn’t understand why this loss was hitting him so hard.  Sure, Linkin Park was one of his favorite bands and he admired Chester’s vocal range and abilities as a singer and a writer.  And from the times he had seen him promoting albums or on clips from their YouTube channel he seemed like a cool enough guy.  But in the past few years other musicians and actors and comedians that Yosuke also looked up to had passed away, and while he had certainly felt sad upon hearing the news, it hadn’t hit him quite as viscerally as this had.  Yosuke clenched his fists and had to hold back another wave of grief that seemed to come out of nowhere.  He supposed it had something to do with the impact their music had on him growing up and how emotionally tied he was to it.  He couldn’t remember a time before he started listening to the band, and it was almost as if their music had always been there for him.  Just the idea that something had inherently changed about it, that his experience would never be quite the same again, was disconcerting.  Suddenly, Yosuke’s thoughts were interrupted as his phone began to vibrate, indicating his alarm was going off to let him know his 30 minutes was up.  Yosuke actually felt relieved, because at least now he could busy himself with work instead of the whirlwind of emotions roiling through his head.

He stepped back onto the floor, trying his best to slap on a cheerful façade, but found his attempt lackluster at best.  None of the employees mentioned anything, fortunately, and he was able to finish out the remainder of his shift in a dissociated state where he was vaguely aware of going through the motions of his shift but honestly felt like he was watching them from the other side of a tv.  Fortunately, his staff was well trained and knew when to start working on closing duties without him even having to mention anything. His cashier even asked when he was a few minutes late counting down the till whether he was waiting on something.  Yosuke apologized and quickly got started pulling most of the registers, leaving one open for any remaining shoppers as he brought the rest to the office.  He then sat down and took a deep breath, appreciating the brief moment of solitude even more than he usually did.  Yosuke’s favorite part of the day was definitely when he got to dip into the office to count down the drawers and balance the safe, which allowed him to finally get away from customer and associate questions for a few minutes.  And today he realized he needed it more than ever as another wave of grief washed over him, causing him to hitch his breath for a moment as he fought through it, needing to hold out for just a little while longer before he could let his feelings loose in the privacy of his home.

Once it passed, he glanced at his phone, suddenly curious if there was any more news covering why Chester had passed away, while simultaneously afraid to find out.  Yosuke’s hand reached toward it, before he pulled away, rolling his chair over to the computer instead to print out the paperwork he’d need to count down the registers.  He then got to work, weighing the cash and coin and verifying the totals against the printouts to make sure everything balanced and that they had the correct starting balance for the morning shift.  He worked mechanically, trying not to let his mind wander and to focus on the task at hand, knowing that he didn’t have time to get caught up in his emotions when the other employees wanted to leave work on time.  He vaguely wondered if any of them knew, if any of them cared as much as he did, and he shook his head.  It was unlikely since most of the employees working tonight were younger than he was, high schoolers working part time as he once had who were into groups more well-known by today’s youth. 

Once Yosuke had finished counting down the registers and securing them, he headed back out onto the floor, helping out with closing duties and ensuring the remaining few customers were taken care of and out the door by the time they officially closed.  He then locked up and brought the final register back into the office to count down before then balancing the safe and preparing the deposit.  Soon afterward he was done, and everyone headed out the door as he set the alarm and finished locking up.  They then went their separate ways, some of them walking or biking home, while a few like him made their way to the train station.  While Yosuke waited for his train, he glanced at his phone again, noticing a few scattered messages here and there from group texts, but nothing to really occupy his time.  He ended up pulling up his browser again, quickly doing a search before squeezing his eyes shut and letting out a ragged breath as his eyes picked up the words “apparent suicide.”  He didn’t read any further than that and quickly locked his screen before pocketing his phone.  Yosuke stared down at the ground, pristine and trash free as always, not even realizing he had completely zoned out until the train arrived, causing him to jump as it rushed into the station and began to slow to a stop.  He weakly laughed at himself before stepping onto the train, grateful that at this time of night it was relatively empty so he could sit and relax his aching muscles from being on his feet most of the day. 

Yosuke leaned his head back, suddenly grateful that he would be arriving home before his boyfriend that evening.  Although Yosuke got off work later, Yu had a much longer commute, insisting that they get a place closer to where Yosuke worked because he did often work the closing shift.  Yosuke should arrive home about half an hour earlier, which meant he could escape into their room to mourn in peace for a little while.  Yosuke sent Yu a quick message, warning him that he’d want to pick up something to eat for dinner, which was common enough on Yosuke’s double days that Yu didn’t even question it in his reply.  Yosuke was fairly certain Yu probably had no idea what had happened since he was always so busy at work that he didn’t have time to be on his phone.  Otherwise he suspected Yu would be reacting much differently, sending probing questions and waiting for Yosuke to finally reveal how he was feeling as he usually did.

Once Yosuke finally reached his stop, he headed straight to their apartment, not bothering to get food for himself.  He trudged inside, barely taking the time to kick off his shoes before making a beeline to their room.  He closed the door behind him and left the lights off, making his way to their bed by memory before collapsing onto it.  He reached over to grab his headphones from where they rested on the bedside table before pulling them over his ears and pulling up his music app on his phone.  Yosuke didn’t even hesitate before typing in Linkin Park’s name at the top, pulling up their albums he had downloaded on his phone and clicking play on _Hybrid Theory_.  Yosuke closed his eyes as the opening to “Papercut” started, the familiar drum beat and rhythm that he had heard over and over again growing up before the signature wall of sound as his father called it came into play.  Yosuke felt himself sink into the nostalgia, murmuring the lyrics he knew by heart as the song played, really trying to regain what it had felt like listening as a kid opposed to now when it was so familiar.

As the songs continued to cycle through one by one, Yosuke’s grip on his feelings began to dissolve, and he soon started shedding the tears he had desperately held back earlier.  Yosuke sniffled before curling up on his bed, gripping his pillow as he listened and grieved.  In the past he had played Linkin Park to release his frustration or to generally hype himself up when he was having a shitty day, so it was surreal to be listening now, unable to drown out his thoughts as he had in the past and instead sinking into them.  Yosuke felt his voice crack as he sang along to “Crawling,” and he choked on the words before gasping for air as the tears began to flow freely, his throat constricting as a sob bubbled up from his chest.  He clutched the pillow tighter, losing himself in his sorrow, drifting through the next two songs until the most iconic one of all began to play.

Yosuke’s sobbing began to quiet as the opening piano to “In the End” began to play, and he was yet again able to sing along to the opening line, “It starts with one.”  He had a sudden burst of energy, and this time when he sang along he did so openly, temporarily unworried over whether or not he would be disturbing their neighbors or if Yu would arrive home in the middle of him singing.  He poured his heart into the lyrics, remembering how much he loved the song when it first came out and how it had drawn him in to giving the album a listen.  It was always a staple for him, for even if other people had complained that it was overplayed or had become too popularized, it had always held a special place in his heart.

Yosuke continued to listen to the rest of the album, eventually running out of tears to shed and starting to feel worn out from his emotional state.  Once the final song “Pushing Me Away” came to a close, Yosuke let out a shaky breath and finally let go of his pillow.  When he opened his eyes and turned to face the other direction, he was startled to realize he wasn’t alone in the room.  Yosuke cursed under his breath in surprise as his boyfriend pulled closer to him upon realizing he had been noticed.  His gentle fingers wiped the residue from his tears from under his eyes and cheeks before he placed a few soft kisses on his brow while pulling Yosuke into his arms.  Yosuke buried his head into his partner’s shoulder, appreciating how his warmth seemed to seep through the numb chill that had settled on his skin.  Yu began rubbing Yosuke’s back in a gentle circular motion until his boyfriend’s breathing had once again evened and he no longer seemed as tense.

“I’m so sorry, Yosuke,” Yu murmured in his ear, and Yosuke felt himself instinctively draw closer to him as if it would somehow make everything better.  He sniffled again, unable to form a reply, and Yu pressed his lips against the top of Yosuke’s head.  “If there’s anything I can do to help you feel better,” he added, and Yosuke shook his head, before squeezing tighter as if to let Yu know that this was already good enough.  They lay like that for several minutes, until Yosuke finally spoke up.

“Is it ok if I continue to listen to music?” he asked, and Yu nodded in reply.

“Of course.  Whatever you need,” he softly spoke.

“Do you want to listen?  Or would that…” Yosuke started to ask, and Yu simply pulled Yosuke’s headphones off his ears before unplugging them and reaching over to set them on the bedside table.  He then placed his arms comfortingly around Yosuke again, patiently waiting for him to pull up the next album, _Meteora_.  Their second album refined their sound and honed their iconic layered style that was a mix between metal, rap, and whatever Joe Hahn decided to mix in, and as Yosuke closed his eyes while snuggling into Yu’s arms, Yu similarly closed his eyes as he focused on the sound and lyrics of each song as Yosuke whispered them against his collarbone.  Yu had heard most of these songs many times their second year, whether by drifting from Yosuke’s headphones in the Shadow World or while hanging out in his room.  He remembered his initial impression of the band, how he had been surprised Yosuke liked something so angsty and loud, but as he learned Yosuke’s musical tastes and really paid attention to the influences in the music, he began to understand better.

It was easy to write off the music as escapist to Yosuke – something he used to cope when he needed a release for his pent up feelings.  But Yu knew that wasn’t the case.  Yu’s eyes opened so he could watch Yosuke as he got carried away by the music, his heartbroken expression causing a sharp pain to form in Yu’s gut, although it was also mixed with the admiration and connection he had to each song.  Yosuke had always enjoyed the creativity of the band, the way they mixed different sounds together, some of them even traditional Japanese instruments due to the leader and rapper of the group Mike Shinoda having Japanese heritage.  Yu remembered the first time Yosuke had excitedly played this album for him, thinking Yu would appreciate it more than their first one, going on about the meaning behind each song as they listened.  It was the first band Yosuke had introduced him to, and Yu would never forget the awe he felt being drawn into something that obviously meant so much to the person quickly turning into his best friend. 

He had to admit, the lead singer’s passing had a small impact on him as well, just out of the familiarity he had to the group through Yosuke.  Then, of course, due to the effect he knew it was going to have on Yosuke once he had discovered the news while picking up dinner.  He had impatiently waited for their food before rushing home, heart sinking at how quiet it was and by the fact their bedroom door was closed with the light off.  Yu had slipped off his shoes before setting the food down on the kitchen counter, silently making his way into the bedroom, Yosuke unable to hear him from the sound pouring from his headphones, before carefully settling down on the bed next to him.  Yosuke had been too out of it to notice, which had concerned Yu as he watched over him, not wanting to intrude until Yosuke was ready to accept his comfort.

Yu began running his fingers through Yosuke’s hair, relaxing himself as he felt Yosuke sigh into his shoulder at his touch, as the stringed instrumental opening of “Faint” began to play in the background.  Yosuke at least seemed like he had calmed down from his earlier grief, even if out of sheer exhaustion, and Yu watched as his closed eyes began to grow heavier at his touch.  Yu stopped, causing Yosuke to grumble into his shoulder.  “Hey, you should probably try to eat something before you go to bed,” he murmured, and Yosuke sighed before opening his eyes.

“I didn’t eat much of your lunch earlier,” he admitted, and Yu bit back his reply.  “In fact…I think I left it at work.”

Yu let out a breath at that, a light chuckle escaping his lips at his boyfriend’s tearstained, yet sheepish expression.  It was endearing, especially because his eyes looked brighter and more alert than they had when he first realized Yu was there with him.  Yu squeezed his shoulder in a comforting way before sitting up and motioning for Yosuke to join him.  As “Breaking the Habit” began to play in the background, they both made their way into the kitchen where Yu unpacked their takeout and heated it up so they wouldn’t have to eat it cold.  He had purposefully picked out Yosuke’s favorite dish from their favorite local restaurant, knowing that he would probably need the pick me up, and Yosuke’s small smile at noticing the detail was definitely worth it.

While they ate their dinner, they ended up listening to the rest of _Meteora_ , the final notes of “Numb” fading away as Yu began to dispose of their take out boxes, carefully separating the plastic from the cardboard so they could be properly recycled.  “Did you also want to listen to _Minutes to Midnight_ before bed?” Yu asked, trying his best to hold back a yawn.  Fortunately, tomorrow wasn’t an internship day for Yosuke so he could sleep in, but Yu still had to get up early as always to make the long commute to work; they were already past their normal bedtime.

Yosuke shook his head before resting his head against Yu’s back while encircling his arms around his waist.  “I don’t know if I can right now,” he admitted, and Yu realized he was probably attempting to hide his expression from Yu.  Yosuke’s voice sounded both thick with emotion and drained, and Yu honestly understood.  Out of all the albums that had been out second year, _Minutes to Midnight_ had been new, coming out in the middle of their investigation of the Shadow World.  It had become the album of choice for Yosuke in battle and kept him centered through all of the strange and terrifying things they had experienced while saving the world.  The album itself had been a new direction for the band, something Yosuke had embraced with its new focus on rock and mix of songs, some reflective, others politically angry, all great in Yosuke’s opinion.  In his current state, Yu knew it would be too much for Yosuke since he already had so much emotionally invested in the album.  He had a feeling that probably in the next day or so Yosuke would be able to manage it, and he hoped that when he did it would be cathartic for him.

For now, they both finally got ready for bed, brushing their teeth and changing into their sleep clothes before climbing into bed and cuddling up next to each other.  After several moments where Yosuke kept shifting about uncomfortably instead of drifting off to sleep like Yu expected him to, Yu finally nudged his partner, tilting his head at him questioningly while Yosuke looked a bit guilty.  “Can I play one more song?” he asked hesitantly, and Yu nodded, curious as to what Yosuke had in mind.

To his surprise, moments later one of the songs from the new album began to play, the opening one “Nobody Can Save Me.”  Yosuke settled down as the opening beats played, a much lighter, more upbeat sound than was typical for the band.  Yu pondered over the song choice as he listened to the lyrics, finding that while some of the words were definitely sobering, the music itself was actually uplifting.  And then, finally, he got to the twist in the song, where the lyrics changed from “Nobody can save me,” to “Only I can save me.”  Yu’s breath caught in his throat, and he noticed a soft smile flitter across Yosuke’s face at his reaction.  In reality, the song was bittersweet, for while it had a great message, apparently it hadn’t been enough for Chester in the end.  But the uplifting message and music still had an obvious impact on Yosuke’s mood, and once the song came to an end Yu could tell that he looked far more at peace than he had before it had played.

“Thanks, partner,” Yosuke said softly, before leaning in to press a soft kiss against his lips.  When he pulled away, Yu couldn’t help but gently tug on Yosuke’s hair before sweeping his bangs away from his face so he could be sure Yosuke got a good view of his loving expression.

“Anytime, partner,” he replied, watching the slight blush form on Yosuke’s face at his steady gaze.  Yosuke steadfastly held it for several moments, until exhaustion won out and his eyes finally began to droop shut.  Yu watched him, waiting for his breathing to finally even out before allowing himself to relax so he could soon drift off to sleep himself.  He had a feeling he would be hearing a lot of Linkin Park over the next few weeks, but he honestly didn’t mind; anything that helped Yosuke through this grieving process was perfectly fine by him.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was one I considered writing last year. Linkin Park has been one of my favorite bands since they first came out when I was in junior high, so when I found out about what happened to Chester I was devastated. I also discovered that there is actual canon material of Yosuke's bedroom where Minutes to Midnight can clearly be seen, so I thought it would be fitting to use Yosuke as a vehicle to portray some of my feelings and reactions to the news while still tying it into his character. I am honestly not quite sure how well I did, but I did have friends encourage me to go ahead and write it and decided to post it anyway. If you read this, I want to thank you since it was really written more for myself than what I normally write. RIP Chester.


End file.
